The End
by Katic41319
Summary: AU based on the song The End by Pearl Jam. Set around 8 years after season 5, Castle and Beckett are married and have three children. What happens when Castle gets bad news about his health...
1. All those dreams we shared

**This is my first fic ever... the idea just came to me while listening the song _The End _by Pearl Jam. I suck at summaries but well, read on please!**

**Disclaimer: Even though I wish I did, I do not own any of the characters**

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_What were all those dreams we shared__  
__Those many years ago?__  
__What were all those plans we made now__  
__Left beside the road?__  
__Behind us in the road…_

* * *

They were sitting in silence in the living room at the loft. Their loft. Their home. None of them was talking; they were just sitting there, looking at each other, contemplating one another as if it was the last time. And it might as well be…

"I won't let you do this, Kate."

"Do what?"

"Look at me like that. Like it is the last time you ever see me again…"

"Well, isn't it?"

She instantly felt the tears rising to the surface; she didn't mean to be that harsh... He was the man she loved after all, her partner, her best friend, her one and done, her husband. He was the one who had stood by her all this time, the one who had had her back when her life was in danger. He was the one who had saved her life countless times before and now she wished she could save his.

"No Kate, no it isn't. We still have many beautiful months to spend together."

The kids were out with the Ryans for the day so their parents could have a day off. Well the main reason was that Rick was feeling off these past few weeks and his medical test results were to be back on this day. The couple needed this day off. It had been a particularly busy week at the precinct: the team had had to deal with a serial killer case, therefore Kate was exhausted' and Rick being sick didn't make it easy. Thank God Alexis had come home to help with the three young children.

"Kate?"

She had been lost in her thoughts for a few minutes, she turned to her husband.

"Yeah?"

"Come here…" He said pulling her close to him.

She curled up next to the love of her life, feeling so tiny and helpless and scared. He wrapped his arms around her thin body and she rested her head on his shoulder, leaning into his embrace. Finally, she let the tears she had been holding back stream down her face. She let go of everything and cried. She hadn't cried that much since that day. The day she and her father got home to the news of her mother's murder…

"Hey, it's okay baby… It's gonna be okay"

What was she doing? He was the one who was sick; if anyone had a right to be that hopeless it was him. She had to be the strong one; she _had_ to help him overcome this. And yet there she was, sobbing into his neck like a crybaby…

"I'm sorry Rick… It's just… I just…"

"I know babe, don't worry about it."

"What do we do now?"

"Nothing…"  
They sat there for a while longer, not talking, not uttering a word, just enjoying one another; just being together was enough for them right now.

Soon he would be gone. Not on a book tour, not on a work trip, gone. Really, irrevocably gone. Forever. And that was so hard to imagine, let alone admit…

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**So I really hope you like my first chapter... It's my first fic so I'd be super thankful if you guys could review.**

**I'll try to update once a week, thanks for reading! :)**


	2. I just want to grow old

**Hey! So I'd like to thank my readers so much, and particularly those who reviewed, I'm glad you all liked chapter 1 :)**

**So as promised, here is chapter 2...**

**Disclaimer: I still own nothing except their three kids...**

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_More than friends, I always pledged__  
__Cause friends they come and go__  
__People change, as does everything__  
__I wanted to grow old__  
__I just want to grow old_

* * *

It had been two weeks since they had heard the fatal word: cancer. Kate still couldn't believe it. In only a few months, she would lose her best friend, the one who had been a part of her life for twelve years…

"Hey Castle"

"Yeah?"

"Do you remember the first time we met?"

"Couldn't forget it if I tried, he said, giving her that adorable smirk that still made her heart melt after all those years. The moment I saw you, I knew I would fall for you. And I did. Hard."

She smiled at her writer boy's sweet words, looking at him with what their friends liked to call her "legendary love eyeballs".

"I was secretly going all crazy inside and trying to contain myself from fangirling... I _was_ meeting my favorite author after all", she added winking at him.

"Your favorite author, huh? So I guess that's why you tried to make everyone believe you hated me the first few years… Just so you know, not once did I fall for your little act."

"Oh really, Castle, don't give me that. You were so desperate for me to like you 'cause you were totally drawn to me. I mean please, it was obvious from the very beginning…"

"Well, detective Beckett, I for one never denied my attraction to you… Unlike some others who tried to hide their attraction to me behind a curtain of hate and disdain"

"I was _not_ attracted to you! Seriously, I totally freaked at first but then I realized how annoying you were… just like a nine-year-old on a sugar rush"

"And yet here you are, married to me…"

"Yes Castle, because over our many years of being partners, you proved to me how good of a friend you were. You never left my side. Plus we really did make a pretty good team"

"You were never just a friend."

"What?"

"Yeah, I mean, at first you were that crazy hot impressive detective (hey did you hear that? It rhymed!), then you were my muse, my partner… and I started falling in love with you. All this time when you were with Demming, with Josh… I was so desperate for you to finally look at me; to finally see me the way that I saw you. Sure, it started as physical attraction, 'get in Beckett's pants' a number on my bucket list, but the more time we spent together, the more I got to know you, the more I respected and liked you. Until I didn't just like you anymore, and 'get in Beckett's pants' became 'be with Kate', I love you Kate, always have always will."

Tears started forming in Beckett's eyes as her love was giving her that speech while looking at her with his adoring look. Oh how she wished they hadn't wasted so much time; hadn't waited four years to finally get together. She wished it hadn't took her so long to finally get over whatever was holding her back and admit her love to Rick. But now it was too late. Sure, they had had a great time, and they did end up married, with three kids; but to her it was not enough.

To him either. He finally was with the woman he loved, his one and only. Third time really was the charm. And he never wanted to let go of this feeling; never wanted to let go of her. He wished he could stay right there forever, in their bed, their little love nest, with his three angels sleeping in the next rooms. He wished he could live a long and happy life with Kate and their beautiful family. He wished they could grow old together. He wished he could see his children grow up. He wished he could live to be called "grandpa"… Yes, he really wished all those things. And yet he knew he wouldn't get to experience all these wonderful things. There he was, curled up in bed with his wife in his arms, like nothing was wrong. And nothing was. Except for this ever growing lump in his brain. Everything changes, everything eventually ends. So would his life. And yes it had been a good one, but that was just the more reason for him not to be ready to give it up. The doctors had estimated he still had one year tops. It was stage 4 and they could do nothing to treat it…

"Rick?"

He was brought out of his thoughts by Kate's voice and her hand on his jaw, pulling his face to hers.

"Yes?"

"I love you", she said while drawing him into a long passionate kiss.

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**So I hope you like this chapter, please it would mean a lot for me to get reviews!**

**Thank you for reading**

**Nai**


	3. I will take the blame

**So thank you guys again for reading, reviewing, following... And I'm really glad you like my story. It is a sad sad story, but yeah, I like to read angst stories with character deaths so I figured maybe other people might do too right?**

**So this chapter is kinda long... and the end sucks a little, not at all what I wanted to write but I guess I just got a little carried away but hey... read on!**

**And I'd like to dedicate this one to my amazing grandfather who battled cancer for two years, and lost his battle a year ago today. I will love you forever 3**

**Disclaimer: As much as I would like to, I'm not Marlowe guys...**

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_Slide up next to me__  
__I'm just a human being__  
__I will take the blame__  
__But just the same__  
__This is not me__You see?__  
__Believe…_

"Mommy! Dad's been calling for hours!"

"Tell him I'll be right there." Kate sighed and answered her six-year-old son Leo. It had been a particularly bad week in the Castle home: Richard was three months into his cancer and getting worse every day, Kate was exhausted but didn't want to show it, neither to her husband nor to her children; and they all wanted to make the most of their last moments together.

She entered their bedroom where her man was sprawled on the bed.

"What's up Castle?"

"Heaaaaad", he mumbled as she sat next to him on the edge of the mattress. She felt so helpless, he had been having horrible migraines for a week now and she didn't know what to do anymore. She had tried everything and nothing had any effect. The man she loved was hurting and she couldn't do anything to take the pain away… So she just put a hand on his forehead, caressing it lightly and said:

"I know it hurts Castle but we already tried everything and nothing seems to calm you."

She leaned down to plant a light kiss on his lips just as she heard the kids' voices raising in the living room and had to rush out to calm what sounded like a fight. She walked into the room to find each of her identical twin girls on one side of their brother who was clutching the stuffed lion his father had gotten him when he was just a baby. As they saw her, the toddlers' eyes lit out and Alba, the first-born twin, rushed to her.

"Mama! Leo took lion!" she said in that three-year-old babbling.

"It's MY lion!"

"Can't you guys just play together instead of fighting? Daddy's really tired and his head is aching, and mommy I need to take care of him."

"But mom they had taken my lion and wouldn't let me get it back! And I don't wanna play stupid tea party with Alba and Sophie!"

Kate sighed at her son's words, but she couldn't blame him; Leo was just having the reaction of any six-year-old boy, not wanting to play with his baby sisters was perfectly normal; but Kate couldn't just let it go, not today, she was too tired and on edge.

"Leo you're the oldest one here so stop acting like a baby and keep your sisters entertained while I go and try to make your dad feel a little better." _Oops, this came out harsher than expected…_

As tears were starting to form in the boy's blue eyes, his mother knelt down to hug him. She couldn't stand seeing any of her kids cry, especially when it was her fault. And this little man looked so much like his father it hurt her to see tears in those striking blue eyes.

"I'm sorry baby; I didn't mean to yell at you. Mommy just has a lot going on right now and I'm not in the best of moods. Don't cry baby boy, please don't cry. It's okay if you don't want to play with your sisters." Her son's head was resting on her shoulder as he was trying to hold back the tears.

"Sorry mommy, I'll watch Alba and Sophie while you go take care of daddy."

Kate let go of Leo to give him a proud look. She couldn't believe how much her baby had grown; she still remembered the day Castle and she found out she was pregnant, the way Castle took care of her and how she was a hormonal mess while carrying their first child. Now she had to do the same and take care of him. It wasn't easy, neither for her nor for the children, but they had to cope. They had to embrace the idea that soon enough he would be gone for good…

"Tell you what buddies!" she said, addressing to all three of her babies, "You could all watch a movie and I'll make you some popcorn… sounds good?"

"Oh yay popcorn!" all three of them cheered together.

She headed to the kitchen while the three siblings chose what movie to watch. As she came back into the living room with one little bowl of popcorn for each child (pink for Alba, purple for Sophie and green for Leo), they were settling for the Lion King. Leo ran up to her.

"Momma we decided to watch the Lion King and I'm Simba!"

"I'm Simba!" Sophie said.

"No, Simba's a lion and Leo means Lion so I'm Simba!"

"You can all be Simba babies, now sit down and I'll play the movie."

She watched her children cuddling up on the couch each holding their bowl of popcorn while she popped the DVD into the player and turned the TV on.

"Kaaa-aaaa-aaaaa-aaaate!"

She heard Castle calling her from the bedroom.

"I'll be right there!"

"Kaaaaaaate!"

"Okay babies I'm gonna go check on daddy, I'll be back later. I'll be in our bedroom if you need anything." she told her kids before rushing to her husband's side.

"I'm here…"

"Hurting!"

"I know, love, but what can I do? Do you want something to eat? Drink?

"No… no… Come here." He said padding a spot next to him on the bed.

She sat next to him on her side of the bed and reached for her book on the bedside table while snuggling to her husband's side and offering her shoulder for his head to rest on. They barely stayed this way ten minutes until she heard Castle stating that he was bored.

"What do you want to do then?"

"Don't know, headache."

"Well then?"

"Just keep on reading…"

So she did. But Castle kept making little noises to get her attention so she stopped soon enough and asked him once more what he wanted but he kept saying nothing. As Kate was feeling her exasperation starting to grow, a little curly head popped into the door frame.

"Momma cuddle?" her youngest looked at her with the mesmerizing hazel eyes she had inherited from her. _Please not that voice… _Sophie was perfectly able to talk, and yet she liked taking that baby voice sometimes to ask for things, and nothing annoyed Beckett more than that voice.

"Sophie stop talking like a baby, you're a big girl now… And why are you not watching the Lion King with your siblings?"

Sophie looked at her mother without understanding; mommy was always up for a cuddling session! The little girl tried hard to hold back the tears but she really wanted to cuddle with her momma… Seeing her like this broke both of her parents' hearts but this time Kate didn't let herself get affected. This was all too much. She stormed out of the room as her husband opened his arms for the toddler to climb into his embrace.

"I need some air." Kate said and left.

She needed to calm down before she seriously hurt someone in her family. She loved them unconditionally but today she was just overwhelmed and tired. She called Lanie to meet up. Spending time with her best friend always helped her unload. The two women spent two hours together before Kate had to get back to her family for dinner time.

When she came into the loft, everything was calm. She called for Castle and the kids but had no answer. Her motherly instinct made her worry right away and she went looking for them in every room, until she finally found them in the kids' bathroom, her husband sitting on the toilet while the children were playing in the tub.

"Hey."

"I figured it was bath time…"

She smiled tenderly at her husband. He was sick and had had headaches for days and yet there he was, in the bathroom, supervising their kids' bath while she was out complaining about the four of them to her best friend. She felt so much love toward that man at this particular moment, and she was so sorry for picking at him earlier. She figured he deserved some rest and sent him to their bedroom while she finished up the kids' bath and prepared dinner. They had dinner as a family in the kitchen, and then put their three jewels to bed and went to bed themselves.

"I'm sorry for getting mad earlier." She said once they were sitting in the bed, "I'm just really tired and overwhelmed by all that is happening right now. I know I shouldn't be the one complaining, you're the one who's sick and hurting, but I can't help it. And I blamed you. I know it's not your fault you got sick but… I'm just gonna miss you so much when… you know, in the end… And I can't stand the thought of losing you. Losing my mom was hard enough, and now you…" Tears were running down her face as she was saying that.

"Hey, baby, don't cry. Slide over here", he said while opening his arms for her to rest against his chest. "I know all this, I know. And you can blame me if you want but it won't change the fact that I'm sick and I won't be around forever. As hard as this is, it's the truth. So we can either spend the next few months fighting and being annoyed with each other or enjoying each other… Personally I like the second option better. And I'm so sorry for getting sick, so sorry Kate…"

She interrupted him by dropping a kiss on his lips.

"Castle I will miss you so much. But it's okay because I will always have the memories of these years with you. Always."

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**Yeah this chapter was disappointing to me too... I hope I'll do better with the next one! Thanks again for reading and please review!**

**Oh and about me still referring to Kate as "Beckett" even though she's married to Castle, I don't really think Beckett would give up her last name, at least not the way I see it.**

**Nai**


	4. I'm worth your love

**Hey everyone! Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I had finals... but now I'm on VACATION so this means I have lots of time to write :)**

**So I wanted to thank everyone who read and reviewed, and especially Bianca, a sweet reviewer who gave me the idea of making Castle spend one on one time with each one of his children**

**And to reply to this recurrent question: I'm sorry but it's a tragedy fic and Castle is going to die in the end. Yes, I like torturing myself and people...**

**Disclaimer: Leo, Sophie and Alba are mine... other than that well, I'm unfortunately not Marlowe guys...**

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_I'm better than this__  
__Don't leave me so cold__  
__I'm buried beneath the stones__  
__I just want to hold on__  
__I know I'm worth your love__  
__Enough...__  
__I don't think__  
__There's such a thing…_

* * *

"I hate daddy" Leo muttered to his stuffed lion. He was lying on the rug in his bedroom, staring at the ceiling and trying to be a "big boy" and hold back his tears. Kate was busy making dinner, and the little boy just wanted his daddy to play cars with him but he was too tired – again! Castle was four months into his cancer and getting considerably weaker every day, which was hard to understand for his six-year-old son.

His sister's head popped into the door frame.

"What?"

"Dinner"

He got up and went down to join his parents and sisters at the kitchen table, all the while avoiding looking at his father. They were all talking and enjoying their family dinner, except Leo. He was mad, or sad, he couldn't decide. He just wanted his daddy back.

"Hey buddy what's up?" Rick asked him when his noticed how quiet his son was being.

"Nothing"

Castle didn't insist and as soon as they finished eating, the children got their goodnight kisses and bedtime stories and went to bed.

Rick was sitting on his side of the bed, waiting for his wife to finish getting ready. He was thinking about his son. He remembered exactly the day when Kate told him she was pregnant with him; he got all excited, "like a nine-year-old on a sugar rush". He remembered how nervous she was that he wouldn't want any more children after Alexis; he had reassured her saying having children with her was all he needed to make his life complete. He remembered their first ultrasound, when they first saw their little Peanut and heard his tiny heartbeat; how emotional they both got. He remembered how he used to bend down to talk to his little Peanut through Kate's growing belly; how it made her giggle. He remembered his birth, the happiest day of his life… although Beckett had been into labor for 5 hours and had cursed at him during all this time. He remembered holding his son for the first time, looking at his bright blue eyes, then at his wife who looked completely exhausted but so happy, and deciding on a name: Leo Jude. He remembered his son's first year in this world, buying him this stuffed lion that never left his side, his first teeth, first words, first steps. He remembered the indescribable love he had felt for this tiny human being since the very first moment he laid eyes on him, the pride he had for his little boy.

"Hey, writer boy, what are we thinking about?" Kate interrupted his thoughts

"Kate?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you take the girls out tomorrow please?"

"Why?"

"I'd like to spend some alone time with Leo. He seemed pretty upset tonight, I think he is taking my sickness really hard…"

Beckett loved this man so much, she really did. The way he always cared about others; even when he was at his worst, he had to make sure everyone around him was okay. She leaned in to plant a sweet kiss on her husband lips.

"I love you. Of course I will give you your boys' day"

"Thank you" he said while hugging her as close as possible.

* * *

The next morning, Kate took Sophie and Alba out for a special "mommy-daughters" breakfast while the boys stayed at the loft.

"Hey buddy, had a good night?" Castle asked entering his son's bedroom.

The little boy just turned around in his bed to face the wall. He was still mad at his father for not playing with him the day before.

"Hey little man, what's wrong?" This time, Leo faced his dad, his eyes full of tears and a lump in his throat.

"I just wanted you to play cars with me daddy"

"I know baby, and I'm so sorry but I was really tired yesterday"

"Don't you love me anymore, daddy?"

"I will never, _never_, not love you Leo! Never! You and your sisters and your mom are the people I love the most in the world, okay?"

The little boy didn't look that convinced by his father's words, he just kept looking at him with his teary eyes that broke Castle's heart.

"Then why are you gonna leave us?"

This last question achieved Rick. He couldn't handle it, and yet he had to be strong, for his son's sake.

"I'm so sorry baby boy; please don't be mad at me for this… I don't want to leave you, trust me I don't. If only I could just stay with you guys forever I would. Listen, daddy's sick, really sick…"

"Like when I have a cold and a fever?"

"No, even sicker than that, very, very ill; and this sickness is what is slowly taking me away from you. In a few months I won't be here anymore, and I'm gonna need you to make me a promise, okay?"

"You mean you'll be dead?" Leo asked bluntly.

Castle was taken aback by his son's question, but decided that honesty was the best way to go.

"Well… yes, I will be. But that doesn't mean I won't be looking after you. Even though you won't see me, I promise you I'll always be here. Now it's your turn to make me a promise…"

"Okay."

"I want you to be strong okay? When I'm gone, you're gonna be the only man around here, the only strong Castle. I need you to be strong for your momma, Alexis, Sophie and Alba. Can you do that?"

"I'll do my best daddy, I promise."

"I'm so proud of you little man" Castle said while pulling his son into a tight embrace and gently kissing his forehead.

After that discussion, the Castle boys decided to make pancakes for breakfast and spent the morning turning the loft into a huge car race circuit. Around lunch time, the girls came back from their morning out and Alexis joined them for lunch. This morning of running around the house with his six-year-old had worn Castle out and the whole family decided to spend the afternoon watching a movie snuggled together on the couch.

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**I really hope you liked this chapter, and Castle will be spending some time with each of the twins soon, and probably Alexis too. Keep reading and reviewing please!**

**XX**

**Nai**


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